Tough times offer the deepest healing and stillness.
I gotta be honest, moving house sucks the big one! The move back to Perth wasn't the smoothest transition I was hoping for. Despite my best intentions, being an organised nazi, and daily meditation, I still struggled big time. I played solo mummy for three and a half months while hubby lived and worked in Perth. This also meant I also had sole responsibility of packing up the house, getting the gardens ready for renting the house out, as well as day to day activities - school, homework, work, socialising. Blah blah blah bloody blah.
I miss country lifestyle immensely. From our friends who became family to mother nature surrounding us in all her splendour! Everything is different in Perth, everything has changed and everyone needed time to re-adjust. So, with my mummy/wifey hat on, I took the full load for everyone. I was like a sponge, sucking the crappy sludge of transition off my beautiful family so they didn't have to wear it, and the change could be all fresh, shiny, and new. I have been expecting life to still be full steam ahead, and as its calmed down my heart rate and stress have stayed at an all time high.
This meant that everyone else transitioned really well... and I ended up feeling the weight of everything and crashing. I was full of everyone else's baggage, full of anxiety, and full of high expectations and a wavering mental state. I crashed, and I crashed hard. I have had intense anxiety attacks and many sleepless nights. The thing is, I am so good at making myself 'busy' to deflect from the reality of what is actually going on that everyone else around me thinks I've got my shit together! Fooled you all!
I didn't, no one ever has it ALL together. And that is totally okay! I have all these wonderful self help tools to help myself get through tough times, but this was beyond me. Anxiety is horrible. My chest felt heavy, my head was whirring with thoughts, my breath was laboured and I took to eating quick snack food instead of nourishing my body.
I decided after two weeks that enough was enough and it was time to nip this in the bud! How could I possibly go back to healing others if I felt like damaged goods myself?!
So, I did what I always do... firstly, I called on my best friends for a chat. I started a detox of mind and body, I retreated into myself (in a positive way) and started daily meditation and performing Jin Shin Jyutsu flows on myself, and I went and received a Reiki healing.
You see, no one is perfect. No one has their shit together all of the time. This little break down has taught me so much. I am grateful for pushing myself into the hole, and I am proud of myself for being my own helping hand out of there!
Correct me if I am wrong here, but really, aren't we all all faking it until we get to the finish line? That way when we're finally past it and in private we can rip off our tiaras and capes, throw off the bra and let it all hang out in its rawness - unconcealed and real.
My experience got my thinker thinking. Why, if I have so many self help tools in my tool belt, do I feel that I can't help myself?
The answer: Because I am human! Because I care so deeply. Because I'm a stubborn Taurean.
I acknowledge that I am the one who created the trap doors inside my mind that I got trapped in, and sometimes we need some guidance and support to help get us out again. I am a stubborn Taurean and to admit defeat and actually get to the point of needing to ask for help always feels like rock bottom!
Taureans are notorious for being the rock, a grounding post for all, but what happens when the grounding post falls and can't get up? We swallow our pride, we pull up our big girl knickers, and we ask for help! So that's what I did.
I'm working through my anxiety, my feelings and frustrations and I realise, none of it is or ever was real. I mean, at the time, it was all VERY REAL, and I couldn't see a way around it not existing, but in reality it was my coping mechanism that caused the damage, rather than helping.
Anxiety is a condition that many people suffer. Many suffer alone, and many suffer in silence. My aim for writing this blog and bearing my soul was to allow those who suffer anxiety to know you are NOT alone, even the strongest of us fall some times and need help to get back up on our posts.
It is OK to not feel OK! It is OK to feel your world is crumbling. It is OK to ask for help! Ask for help from family and friends, ask for help from mother earth, a councillor, a healer, or a mentor. Ask for help from your angels and guides, God, Buddha, whom ever you feel the need to call upon and then (and this is the most important part...) LET THEM IN AND LET THEM HELP YOU!
When you admit defeat, admit you're not OK and admit you need a helping hand to get you back on track, grab the god damn hand that comes at you and breathe a sigh of relief as they help pull you back up and dust you off!
Being 100% honest with yourself is the first step to healing, and only then are you are ready to surrender. Once you get the help, surrendering to your higher self will unfold naturally and guess what... you start to actually feel lighter!
Over the years I have helped many clients with anxiety and depression. My personal experiences help to raise my vibration, help to strengthen my intuition and help me to help others with compassion and deep empathy. Please, if you are in need of a friend, or a helping hand, I'd be happy to chat!
Take care of you!